There’s nothing wrong with it.
So why does it feel so uncomfortable?
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Lauren was fine with buying her own ring.
Her dad, especially, was skeptical.
She knew he meantfinancially, and she felt like she had to defend their situation.
Still, her fathers comment stuck.
It made her question her decision to buy her own ring.
Younger women are also forgoing or delaying having kids at higher rates, which helps keep their income steady.
On Reddit and Quora, posts with titles like, Thoughts on brides buying their own engagement rings?
and Has anybody bought their own engagement ring?
But the average engagement did not involve the exchange of an expensive ring until less than a century ago.
They loaned jewelry to movie starsthe OG influencersand essentially birthed the first hellish installment of the wedding industrial complex.
Knowing the dark history and marketing-manufactured meaning of exorbitant rings can make the quintessential engagement seem much less appealing.
Its baked into us.
Trying to put together a classic proposal when she wasnt in a textbook-gender-roles-relationship really stressed Dana out.
Stubbornness felt like the antidote to settling for an unconventional proposal.
And she didnt want to take away her boyfriends opportunity to make the gesture.
Youre just so conditioned from a young age to want some ginormous ring.
The finger-spread Instagram effect is a real thing.
It can make me self-conscious.
My friends will make jokes that my husband got off so easy.
Youre just so conditioned from a young age to want some ginormous ring.
The finger-spread Instagram effect is a real thing.
Examples of older couples thriving in flip-flopped gender roles are difficult to find.
Younger generations are being tasked with living out this shift.
They poke at highly sensitive and deeply ingrained aspects of identity.
Nothing should be done purely in the name of feminism.
But nothing should be done in the name of tradition either.
Why would it be embarrassing to have a female partner who makes more than you?
This might be one reason why straight couples with higher-earning womenare more likely to get divorced.
They know that even if theyre the financial provider, their partners wont become the homemaker or primary parent.
In other words, being the breadwinner means double the workholding down a full-time jobandholding down the household.
Wanting a higher-earning partner doesnt make you a bad feminist.
You could think of it as a survival strategy in a patriarchal, capitalistic society.
Ultimately, though, if its what you want, thats valid.
The beauty of third-wave feminism is that its about choice.
Nothing should be done purely in the name of feminism, Maier says.
But nothing should be done in the name of tradition either.
Examining your attractions and desires, and uncovering their origin, can be incredibly freeing.
We have a long way to go before men and women stop feeling the pressure of gender roles.
Gille and her husband have no regrets about splitting the cost of her engagement ring.
Hes Korean, and in his culture, engagement rings arent really even a thing.
Their cultural differences made the whole process easier, Gille says.
Lauren, who spends most of her time abroad, echoed that sentiment.
Still, Lauren says, unlearning traditional money dynamics doesnt happen overnight.
When she first started splitting her income with her husband, she caught herself wanting to police his spending.
Liberation lives on the other side of that conversation.
She bought her own ring for about $3,000, as well as a watch for her partner.
After theyd talked about marriage many times, she surprised him with a proposal.
Having a ring was more about symbolizing our commitment rather than fulfilling a tradition, Clarke says.
For me, it was about having something tangible to signify the next phase of our relationship.
Clarke, who works in HR, makes slightly more than her husband, a software engineer.
But she says that wasnt the main thing that pushed her to buy her own ring.
She simplywantedto take the lead in the purchase.
It was never about who should buy it, but about what felt right for us.
Showing them in the media is a great place to start.
I liked the idea of us starting on equal footing, she says.
Were equals in this relationship, so why wouldnt we equally invest?
Lauren says she still goes back and forth on whether she missed out on a traditional proposal.
She tells people the truth about it, too.
And her family has come to love it, and their relationship.
I don’t feel ashamed about doing it differently.
Doing whatever works for you has a nice ring to it.
The pair has a new outlook on couples' style.
“I thought, I’m gonna look just like she does on the box.'”
We are starved for more flirting.
